The One Thing You Can Control (Even When Everything Feels Out of Control)
Asking permission wasn’t exactly on my mind as the already delayed flight taxied in circles—on the runway, taking me farther and farther from any chance of catching my connection to New York.
An unplanned night in Paris—a dream, right?
Who would ever be upset about that?
That depends.
Still, sitting on that plane, waiting indefinitely for an update, I made a decision: I wasn’t going to let something outside my control dictate my next move.
I unbuckled my seatbelt, stood up, and asked to leave the plane.
The flight attendant looked at me like I was either wildly confident or completely unhinged.
"Madame, I’ll have to ask for permission."
"Permission?" I asked, confused.
She explained that while there may be a technical issue, they didn’t know when—or if—it would be resolved, and they couldn’t let me off.
So, we sat there. Waiting.
After a few moments of my own circling thoughts and calculations, I took a deep breath, looked out the window at the mountains and the soon-to-set sun, and let go.
What Actually Is Control?
We’re wired to believe control means certainty. That if we plan enough, predict enough, or try hard enough, we can guarantee an outcome.
But real control?
It’s not about predicting the future—it’s about your ability to navigate this moment with presence.
It’s about:
✔ Finding steadiness in yourself, even when life isn’t.
✔ Knowing how to re-center when everything feels out of reach.
✔ Shifting your focus from what you can’t predict to what you can influence.
At that moment on the plane, I had two choices:
1️⃣ Keep fighting for control over something I couldn’t change.
2️⃣ Focus on what I could change—how I handled the waiting.
The second I let go of trying to force an outcome, something shifted.
3 Ways to Find Steadiness in Uncertainty
When things feel completely out of your hands, try this:
Regulate Your Nervous System
Your breath is your first responder. Slow, deep inhales and exhales signal safety to your body.
(If you’ve never tried a physiological sigh, look it up—it’s a science-backed way to calm your nervous system fast.)
Choose a Small Anchor Point
When everything feels shaky, find one thing to hold onto:
A morning ritual, a simple routine, or a moment of stillness.
A mantra, a memory, an idea—anything that reminds you of stability.
If you happen to be on an airplane—or maybe the subway—just closing your eyes and focusing on your breath can be enough.
Decide Your Next Step—Not Your Entire Future
When uncertainty feels overwhelming, zoom in.
What’s one small action you can take right now?
(Not a full plan—just a single, clear next step.)
It’s easy to think that making one wrong move will influence everything that follows. But not all decisions carry the same weight, even when uncertainty makes them feel like they do.
The Truth About Control
Real control isn’t about forcing certainty—it’s about trusting yourself to navigate uncertainty.
It’s not about having all the answers—it’s about knowing you can handle whatever comes next.
So the next time you feel like you’re spiraling, ask yourself:
🛑 What can I influence right now?
🌿 What’s one steadying practice I can lean on?
🔍 What’s the smallest next step I can take?
It may very well be no step at all—but stillness.
Because even when the destination is unclear, you are the one deciding how you move through it.