Relaxed... and Nothing Fell Apart
To think that laughter, ease, and what I initially deemed as “spaciness” was an allergic reaction to a mosquito bite—now that might have been an alarm bell.
"Wait," I said to my friend as we held hands on a wildly turbulent flight from Miami to NYC late on a Saturday night in January.
"Do you think my spaciness is an allergic reaction to the mosquito bite?"
I had not only been bitten by a mosquito but had also felt the tense edges of my own being soften—making me feel almost floaty. And I was perplexed.
"No," she said. "I think you’re just relaxed."
Relaxed? I questioned it immediately.
Relaxation was never something I actively considered. I had always been seeking balance, trying to find moments of ease amidst the familiar chaos of everyday life. But more often than not, what I experienced wasn’t true relaxation—it was simply the absence of acute stress.
What I Thought Was "Not Being Stressed" Was Just… Less Stress
We were flying home after a sun-filled weekend in Miami—a 50th birthday celebration spent with a group of close friends, sharing meals, laughter, an apartment, and long conversations late into the night.
For days, we moved in unison, from place to place—no schedules to juggle, no logistics to coordinate. Everything unfolded effortlessly, with plans made for us—and they were perfect. No endless group texts, no back-and-forth. Just rolling conversations, effortless presence, less screen time, more facetime.
The kind of deep connection that feels both nostalgic and incredibly rare in adult life.
And then, it hit me:
I wasn’t experiencing acute stress. But this time, it was different.
For once, I was actually relaxed.
And nothing fell apart. In fact, quite the opposite—everything came together.
The Science of Stress & Relaxation: Why We Struggle to Let Go
So many of us are conditioned to exist in a near-constant state of “on.”
🔹 Our nervous system cycles between two key states:
The Stress Response (Sympathetic Nervous System) → Designed to keep us safe, but too much can lead to chronic tension, overthinking, and burnout.
The Relaxation Response (Parasympathetic Nervous System) → Signals to the body that it’s safe to rest, repair, and restore energy.
Many of us spend so much time in stress mode that when we finally relax, it feels foreign—even uncomfortable.
I had always managed stress well, but I had never truly let go enough to experience deep relaxation.
What If Relaxation Isn’t a Loss of Control—But a Return to It?
For so long, I equated "not being stressed" with relaxation. But they’re not the same. I had been managing stress, keeping it at bay—but I had never fully stepped into relaxation.
We believe that if we loosen our grip, things will unravel. That if we step back, life will somehow collapse. But that weekend in Miami showed me something different:
✔ Ease doesn’t mean disengagement.
✔ Relaxation doesn’t mean falling behind.
✔ Letting go doesn’t mean losing control.
I was relaxed, and nothing fell apart.
I was relaxed, and everything was still right there, just as it should be.
3 Ways to Invite Relaxation (Without Forcing It)
Notice the Absence of Stress, Not Just Its Presence
Pay attention to moments of ease—even small ones.
Can you sit with them instead of filling the space?
Use Your Smile as a Reset Button
When you smile—even if it’s forced—you trigger a biochemical shift that signals safety to your nervous system.
Try a soft smile right now. Feel the shift?
Reframe Relaxation as Integration
What if relaxation wasn’t about doing less but about being fully present in what is?
Try viewing ease as part of your process, not separate from it.
That Flight Home: The Moment I Realized I Was Different
That night, as the plane jolted through turbulence, I realized something else:
💡 I wasn’t afraid.
Not because the turbulence wasn’t real, but because I wasn’t preparing for the worst. I was no longer bracing for impact or stuck in a state of emergency.
I wasn’t gripping the armrest. I wasn’t holding my breath. Just holding Carlin’s hand.
And in that state, I was able to be present—not just for myself, but for her.
For once, I wasn’t just trying to manage the moment—I was in it.
Your Reflection: Where Do You Mistake "Less Stress" for True Relaxation?
📌 Take a moment and ask yourself:
When was the last time you felt deeply at ease?
Where do you confuse absence of stress with real relaxation?
What’s one small way you can let go—just a little bit?
Next time you feel the urge to hold everything together, pause. Breathe. See what happens when you soften, just a little.
You might just find that when you relax—nothing falls apart.
With you every step,
Jessica